Survivor

Survivor

I am not sure how much I identify with that word. Rape survivor. Sounds like I have to struggle to stay alive. It’s not a struggle. It’s thriving. The worst has already happened. I do not need to fear the worst. I know how to get the help and use my “no” and fight to ensure it never happens again. I do not need to relive it. I do know how strong I am. The confidence is what frightens rapists. I also don’t walk alone at night. I ask men to escort me to places that could be dangerous. I lock my doors, own dogs and have a gun. But somehow, just having it, and telling people I have it, gives me confidence and them the knowledge that I can protect myself and my kids. And I carry myself with that confidence. Yes it is unfortunate that a woman needs a gun to protect herself from men who think they can do as they like to the weaker sex. That is not a comment on our fortitude or personality. Men have more muscle mass and can overpower us, unless we have more training to stop them. My daughter and I both had self defense classes. We both have intelligence and confidence. The only people who have ever tried to harm me were people in charge of caring for me. So listen to your gut. Not their words. Rapists and beaters are charming, at first. But not all men are rapists or beaters. There are many who care for and take care of women. Ask them for help. The quieter ones. The friend of the bold one. The guys standing next to the handsomest guy in the room. Not the guy sitting in the corner with no friends. If guys like them, they are probably good guys. Most guys will warn you about their friend. If everything they say is a lie, find someone else. If they won’t tell you where they live, find someone else. People will tell you everything you need to know within 30 minutes of meeting them. They tend to phrase it about someone else, but “90% of what people say is about themselves.” (Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements) BELIEVE THEM.

If they let you know what gives them joy, what makes them happy and what they are most proud of, they are letting you inside. It won’t be dramatic or fantastic or exciting. It will be normal life. Those are the people who won’t hurt you.
Let them in. (Intimacy is In-to-me-you-see)

ADD, how we think

Attention Deficit Disorder
We think in pictures and movies. We have more thoughts in a minute than you have in a day.
To remember we have to access a photo. We need a description. We don’t file alphabetically. We file historically. Based on before or after major life events.

When we go out in the world we notice EVERYTHING. The butterfly over there, the guy walking his dog, what kind of dog, is the dog happy, the bird that landed over there, etc. You have to give us time to get used to the surroundings. You have to let our eyes wander and our minds. We have no filter for all the information. We try VERY HARD to focus correctly. Sometimes, when everything is quiet, we can focus on one thing we enjoy so much that everything else goes away. We forget to do things like drink water, or urinate, or eat food. For some this can go on for days. 

We can change the subject in a conversation very quickly. We jump from topic to topic and TRY to remember to leave breadcrumbs for your brain to follow the train of thought, but really, it's not terribly exciting. So just learn to go with the flow. We try to announce a topic change. Sometimes mid sentence. 

Evil Women

Why are women Evil to other women?

More than once I have had a man “taken” by another woman because she wants the life I have. She sees my house, my kids and my husband providing for them, and our happiness together and wants it all for herself. So she trashes me verbally to him, and convinces him with her false charm that she is so much nicer to him. She manipulates him. And he believes it.

Why? Why don’t women just go get their own man? Why do men keep believing the bullshit these women spew?

There is a great line from Little Women "women should not posses the vote because they are more moral than men, but because they are humans with equal right to be heard" or something like that. It was brilliant. Anywhoo if you think women are less cutthroat or more compassionate than men, I suggest you hang at a junior high for a day and listen to what the girls say to one another. Women can be quite evil. The problem with business is men have all the cards right now and only dole out to those they can manipulate. Take for example Martha Stewart. Incredibly successful. But the second she went public with her company, charges of insider trading were brought against her and her company lost most of its money. She was lucky to keep two of her three homes. They saw her as a threat because she is a woman, not because she was competition for the home craft and gardening magazine business. They took her down for practices they do all the time. Had she been married to the man that gave her investing advice she would not have gone to jail. It was a lesson. Have a man to make you legitimate or don't play ball. And I can tell you having been a single mom for years that men walk all over single women. Many see us as worthless. Something another man rejected so we should be treated as trash. Whores. To be used. Which is why the bible story of Joseph marrying Mary despite being an unwed mother is so profound. Not because her child was the son of god (supposedly we are all sons and daughters of god) but because Joseph was man enough to take responsibility for a "tarnished" woman and raise her son as his own and relish him as a gift rather than a burden. This idea that women and children have value is STILL not changed in 2000 years despite people supposedly "believing in the Bible."

And most women are prostitutes of some form or another. Most don't make it in Hollywood without playing a prostitute at least once. In a movie and on the casting couch. That lifestyle killed Marilyn Monroe. Men marry women and tend to feel they own their wife sexually and do not allow anyone else to enjoy her sexually or he takes his money and leaves, regardless of how many women he sleeps with. Therefore in a marriage she is trading exclusive sex rights for money and security. Plenty of women are cutthroat enough to be CEOs and are called "bitch" and "whore" and "cunt" and torn down by men who are jealous. And if that doesn't work the women are raped. Either financially or physically. Remember when women could be accused of being witches and have all their assets removed from them and given to the accuser, and without a husband it was quite easy to do? Yeah, not much has changed since then.

So perhaps women are evil to other women because society is still set up to favor men and therefore women feel the biological need to compete for the male resources of status and power and wealth. So ridiculous. I wish the world would grow up, but men like to be needed and often it's for money. What about love?

In it for the $

Why do men try so hard to avoid women who are "into them for their money?" I assure you money is a higher motivator than love. ALso men have made it next to impossible for women to make as much money in the workplace as men do. We are still paid on average 70% of what men are paid for equal (if not better) work. Women are the primary child raisers whether one or both works. Women are the primary food preparers and house cleaners regardless of who works. Yes there are always exceptions. Yes their are people that don't pull their own weight. But I can assure you raising kids is a FULL TIME JOB that doesn't end at 7pm. If a child throws up in the night guess who gets to get up at 3am, appease the child and clean the mess? Guess who has to give up all plans they have to stay home and care for the child? Grocery shopping was planned? Vacuuming the house was planned? TOO BAD, the kid needs your undivided attention to get better. SO when a woman looks at a man as a good bread winner, and loves you for being a hard worker that brings home enough money that it is easy to make life better for herself, the kids AND you, you really should reconsider what that is worth. Does she love you when you pick your nose and flick it in the house for her to vacuum up later? No. But NO ONE will love you for that. Women know that once they are pregnant, and their biology reconfirms it in the form of chemical love, that they need someone to protect them, shelter them and provide for them so they can take care of the kids and you and themselves. And that should be a job YOU VALUE. So next time you say "I don't want a woman who wants me for my money" think about what you are saying. You don't want a woman who values the work you do. And ladies, the men that say that to you? They won't value your work, regardless of what that is, because they don't value their own. They think they should be loved because their farts are so cute. They haven't grown up and they don't live in reality, where money is necessary for survival.

I was trying to say although love is wonderful and awesome and being best friends is extremely important, money is too. And let's all stop trying to pretend it isn't. And there are LOTS of WONDERful HELPful men out there. Ones that will support everything you chose to do and give helpful advice, instead of making life more difficult. Keep being picky. Because if you waste your time with someone not good enough, then awesome will walk on by because you are already busy 

But men pick based on looks, why is it a sin for women to pick based on money? Most women want a certain lifestyle. They cost money. Men want a certain look. It costs money