Survivor

Survivor

I am not sure how much I identify with that word. Rape survivor. Sounds like I have to struggle to stay alive. It’s not a struggle. It’s thriving. The worst has already happened. I do not need to fear the worst. I know how to get the help and use my “no” and fight to ensure it never happens again. I do not need to relive it. I do know how strong I am. The confidence is what frightens rapists. I also don’t walk alone at night. I ask men to escort me to places that could be dangerous. I lock my doors, own dogs and have a gun. But somehow, just having it, and telling people I have it, gives me confidence and them the knowledge that I can protect myself and my kids. And I carry myself with that confidence. Yes it is unfortunate that a woman needs a gun to protect herself from men who think they can do as they like to the weaker sex. That is not a comment on our fortitude or personality. Men have more muscle mass and can overpower us, unless we have more training to stop them. My daughter and I both had self defense classes. We both have intelligence and confidence. The only people who have ever tried to harm me were people in charge of caring for me. So listen to your gut. Not their words. Rapists and beaters are charming, at first. But not all men are rapists or beaters. There are many who care for and take care of women. Ask them for help. The quieter ones. The friend of the bold one. The guys standing next to the handsomest guy in the room. Not the guy sitting in the corner with no friends. If guys like them, they are probably good guys. Most guys will warn you about their friend. If everything they say is a lie, find someone else. If they won’t tell you where they live, find someone else. People will tell you everything you need to know within 30 minutes of meeting them. They tend to phrase it about someone else, but “90% of what people say is about themselves.” (Don Miguel Ruiz, The Four Agreements) BELIEVE THEM.

If they let you know what gives them joy, what makes them happy and what they are most proud of, they are letting you inside. It won’t be dramatic or fantastic or exciting. It will be normal life. Those are the people who won’t hurt you.
Let them in. (Intimacy is In-to-me-you-see)